Burning Bright

It's been a long time since I've written, somewhat purposefully. It's been a whirlwind, and I knew I'd confuse everyone if I updated on every step. We've just tried to keep moving forward with the mantra "If you keep pedaling, you won't fall off."

 

In a quick summary and bullet-point fashion, here's a chronological update:

• Decided to definitely move forward with a carrier. Signed a contract with the GC agency.
• Got matched to a carrier who lives in Houston. We loved her. Got super excited and couldn't wait to move forward.
• After some testing, our doctor did not approve her because of some physical risks. We got sad and defeated and thought "maybe we shouldn't do this."
• We kept pedaling.
• We had two advocates reach out on our behalf to the CEO of our GC agency to ask them to "look out for us."(One is a new friend who used the same GC agency, and one is our fertility doctor. Both contacted the agency without us knowing. We didn't even bribe anyone!)
• CEO, not our normal caseworker, called us and said she had someone she'd like us to meet that she'd been "keeping in her back pocket." The potential carrier works in the fertility industry, and she had recently decided she could do more. She mentioned to the CEO that she may want to be a carrier. The CEO promised she'd find someone for her that would be a good match.
• Enter an anxious and excited Monroe couple.
• In a whirlwind Labor Day weekend, Will and I drove to Dallas. (Don't worry- she's not a Cowboy's fan. We obviously asked.)
• We met her, her husband, and her children.
• We fell in love.

I don't want to reveal too much about her to protect her privacy, but she's wonderful. Her name is Katy and she lives in a suburb outside of Dallas. She's in her late twenties, is married, and has children of her own. She works in the "fertility field" and for years has been helping women with their fertility struggle. Because of this, she knows well what lengths some women go through to become mothers.

In our first meeting, we asked her and her husband why they wanted to do this for another couple. (Her husband is not involved in anything directly, but obviously this is a big step for their family.) She said "I have been involved in the third party fertility industry for years, and have seen first hand the heartache that many parents have gone through to build their families. I have had all uncomplicated pregnancies and I see this as a way that I can help a family. My husband and I are done building our family but we have both discussed and feel that God has called us to continue to make a difference in the lives of a couple to help them grow theirs." (Don't you love her, too??)  She is so genuine, kind, and generous. I really can't believe she's "ours!"

We have already gone through all her pre-testing, finished a long process of contracts with attorneys, and have successfully made it over some speed bumps. We hope to do the embryo transfer sometime before the holidays!

Before our last IVF cycle, we booked a trip to Europe knowing that it was going to either be a "babymoon" (since I would have been in my second trimester by then), or it would be a chance to clear our heads after a loss. However, it turned out to be neither of those things. We definitely have grieved (and will continue to grieve) the baby's who heart we heard beat strong, but never got to hold. And we definitely wished we could have discussed disposable diapers vs. cloth diapers or a "labor plan." But instead, we met Katy right before we left, and so Europe wasn't a trip of nursery planning nor was it a grieving getaway. It was a trip of hope and gratitude, knowing that one part of our journey was over, but a new one was just beginning.

 

When our doctor called the gestational carrier agency on our behalf, we've been told she told the CEO, "I have a couple that I started seeing two years ago, and their light shined so bright. Today they've just left my office, and I'm worried their light is barely a flicker." 

 

I sure hope Katy makes us parents. But even if she doesn't, I am forever grateful that she has made our light continue to burn, and maybe even brighter than ever.

 

With Love,

Kendall and Will