Dear Baby,
Today we saw your heart beating, and saw the blood pumping through your small little body. You already have eyelids, all your organs, and have joints in your wrists and knees. You are just the size of a kidney bean, but I swear you're the most loved little legume that ever existed.
Today was a big day for us. In the past 2 years, our hearts have always broken before eight weeks. But not with you. Even the doctors agree that you look beautiful. We haven't been calling you "baby", but just a little totsicle. Today we said "baby" for the first time, and although the look in our eyes is one of pure panic and worry, it is also beginning to look like one of excitement and hope.
Keep on growing, little kidney bean. Happy 8 week birthday!
Love,
The people who will one day ground you
Dear Katy,
Today I texted my family about the good news of another successful appointment and one sister asked how you were feeling. I said you felt nauseous in the afternoons, but overall just tired with the perfect amount of pregnancy crumminess. One sister said "How do you ever thank someone for going through this for you? What an angel. I am so thankful for her." Another sister said "Mostly, what a special relationship. One only a few people will ever understand."
This is exactly how I feel. I've been taught there are four words in Greek that mean "love." However, it's obvious Socrates didn't know much about surrogacy or he would have made up a new word that describes our feelings for you. Thank you for enduring an ultrasound every week and not making us feel crazy when we ask to hear the heartbeat again and again.
Love,
The people who will put you through agonizing pain in 8 months
Dear Will,
Thank you for reminding me things could still go wrong, while also entertaining me about which baby names sound the best in a slogan. (Obviously for when our child runs for Student Council.) You will forever be my balance. Thank you for always reminding me that this will definitely be worth it, and that this isn't my fault. There is no one else on earth I would want to go through this with than you.
Love,
The girl who keeps crying and getting snot and mascara on your shoulder
Dear God,
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Love,
All the obnoxious prayer warriors who haven't ceased to keep praying for us
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Friday, December 19, 2014
little patient soul
We heard a heartbeat, people!!
Katy flew in for the day to be seen by our Houston clinic, and our wonderful doctor came in on her day off to do the ultrasound. We were very anxious leading up to this, and the two week wait felt like two years. Needless to say, I think people in Singapore could have heard my heart beating out of my chest as we walked into the room.
First our doc says "OK, I only see one sac." An immediate disappointment swallows us. Not twins. (We were really hoping for the "two for the price of one" deal.)
And then she says "Well, look at that flicker! There's the heart." We listened closely, and the sweetest sound you'll ever hear filled the room. Any disappointment of it not being twins left us as quickly as it came. The pain of the past 1.5 years didn't go away, but rather suddenly felt like it had a purpose.
My sister lives in L.A., and has recruited lots of prayers from her friends. (We like to take our prayer requests national.) She forwarded me a text from one of her friends that said "I don't want to speak too soon, but man, that little one is so meant to be. Look what had to happen for him/her to come to be?? Little soul has been waiting patiently!"
Little soul, please hang on. We'd really love to meet you. (And not just because you'd be the first one in our family to be patient.)
Katy will have ultrasounds weekly her first trimester, so it's another day to celebrate and another week to wait. My colleague, Karen, said "We get to celebrate again!!" (I think she's beginning to figure out that this pregnancy will have more celebrated milestones than any pregnancy in history.)
Little patient soul, we're celebrating you.
Katy flew in for the day to be seen by our Houston clinic, and our wonderful doctor came in on her day off to do the ultrasound. We were very anxious leading up to this, and the two week wait felt like two years. Needless to say, I think people in Singapore could have heard my heart beating out of my chest as we walked into the room.
First our doc says "OK, I only see one sac." An immediate disappointment swallows us. Not twins. (We were really hoping for the "two for the price of one" deal.)
And then she says "Well, look at that flicker! There's the heart." We listened closely, and the sweetest sound you'll ever hear filled the room. Any disappointment of it not being twins left us as quickly as it came. The pain of the past 1.5 years didn't go away, but rather suddenly felt like it had a purpose.
My sister lives in L.A., and has recruited lots of prayers from her friends. (We like to take our prayer requests national.) She forwarded me a text from one of her friends that said "I don't want to speak too soon, but man, that little one is so meant to be. Look what had to happen for him/her to come to be?? Little soul has been waiting patiently!"
Little soul, please hang on. We'd really love to meet you. (And not just because you'd be the first one in our family to be patient.)
Katy will have ultrasounds weekly her first trimester, so it's another day to celebrate and another week to wait. My colleague, Karen, said "We get to celebrate again!!" (I think she's beginning to figure out that this pregnancy will have more celebrated milestones than any pregnancy in history.)
Little patient soul, we're celebrating you.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
To Another Day
We have great news! We got another girl pregnant! (note: I'm not sure if these jokes will ever get old.)
We have done two blood tests and both had positive results, indicating Katy's HCG numbers are increasing and there is a positive pregnancy.
The "two week wait" (which is really only 10 days) felt eerily similar to when I was going through it. I thought maybe I wouldn't think about it as much this time, since it wasn't happening to my body. I was wrong. So after too many home pregnancy tests (some of which were negative, so a big shout out to my friends who are still my friends after I dramatically told them it didn't work and was a disaster for 3 days), we received the good news!
I wish I could say that we were immediately elated and hopeful and already planning our nursery color scheme. However, our "we've already been here multiple times before" thoughts begin to emerge, and it's been hard to let the joy consume us before our doubts creep in. That may seem hard to explain to some, and I'm not meaning to be ungrateful. We are VERY grateful. But as excited as I want to feel, I feel five times as scared and anxious. We are all counting down until our first ultrasound on Dec 17th.
We went out to dinner to celebrate her first positive blood test, and Will's toast was "To Another Day." Another Day we are thankful that we're this far. Another Day of hoping and dreaming. And Another Day to pray that we have lots more days like this one.
We have done two blood tests and both had positive results, indicating Katy's HCG numbers are increasing and there is a positive pregnancy.
The "two week wait" (which is really only 10 days) felt eerily similar to when I was going through it. I thought maybe I wouldn't think about it as much this time, since it wasn't happening to my body. I was wrong. So after too many home pregnancy tests (some of which were negative, so a big shout out to my friends who are still my friends after I dramatically told them it didn't work and was a disaster for 3 days), we received the good news!
I wish I could say that we were immediately elated and hopeful and already planning our nursery color scheme. However, our "we've already been here multiple times before" thoughts begin to emerge, and it's been hard to let the joy consume us before our doubts creep in. That may seem hard to explain to some, and I'm not meaning to be ungrateful. We are VERY grateful. But as excited as I want to feel, I feel five times as scared and anxious. We are all counting down until our first ultrasound on Dec 17th.
We went out to dinner to celebrate her first positive blood test, and Will's toast was "To Another Day." Another Day we are thankful that we're this far. Another Day of hoping and dreaming. And Another Day to pray that we have lots more days like this one.
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