It's almost funny, actually. Last night at bible study our book was talking about Jesus' miracles in the book of John. It raised the question "why are the signs or miracles in the book of John numbered?" Jesus' last miracle in that gospel is His resurrection. It's His 8th sign. After 7 miracles comes His last big miracle that brings peace and new creation. I actually thought to myself last night, "OMG! I'm on miracle of week 8 and am beginning to finally feel peace. Good one, Apostle John!" (Obviously that's not the point of the book or the miracles, but I'm only a selfish human and liked imagining it was Jesus doing a 'Wassup Kendall, this message is for you' type thing.)
If I'm honest, Will and I are not good. Today is a hard day. Will stood beside me with our video camera ready to film the heartbeat as we were told the news. We are surprised. We feel angry. We feel confused. We wonder if our journey to parenthood ends here, or if we have it in us to continue to surrogacy. We wonder what any of this was supposed to teach us. We wonder how many times we can repeat "This can only make us stronger!"
Mostly, we're waiting for the next miracle, and the peace and new creation that comes with it.
Love to all,
Kendall and Will
Dear Kendall and Will -
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid I have nothing to say to take all this pain away. No one has ever been able to explain disappointments like this, and no one ever will. But if I can light just one small candle in what must be a very dark place, I wanted to let you know that we all love you very, very much, and you are in all our thoughts and prayers.
Big hugs from Boston,
Your Uncle Tommy